I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
