took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Success! We fucked roommates!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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