Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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