3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
