I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
