Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize