we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
