that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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