who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
