I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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