Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
