I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she told me i tasted like america
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
