Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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