Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
