Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
