it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
