i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
