Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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