i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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