Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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