Umm I'm too high to move.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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