even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
