i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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