Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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