quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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