that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
