So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
