my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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