Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
