She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
