Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize