a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
