They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
