I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
