whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
