Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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