Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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