Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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