i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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