pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
