ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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