Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
