I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
