Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nutella sex= disaster
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
