I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
