so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I looked at my own cervix.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
