What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
