Sry I called you an 8
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
