So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
