1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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