Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
