Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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