Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
