I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
