i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
