Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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