the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
