I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
