his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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