We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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