Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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