U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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