do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
