When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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