You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
