did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
